Quarantine for the COVID-19 Pandemic started around March 13th earlier this year. I remember because my students went on Spring Break, and we just didn’t end up seeing each other again after. I taught a few of those students when they were in the 6th grade years ago, and we went our separate ways. No graduation, no prom, no type of send off whatsoever. It was a real bummer, and this pandemic hasn’t gotten any better, but it got me thinking about everything else we’ve missed out on this year. Social gatherings, holidays, random beach outings, may have all fallen by the wayside this year, but TV will make up for it. This list has ten episodes for us to live vicariously through for every major milestone the Coronavirus has made us miss out on. The only arbitrary rule I made is only 1 episode from a respective series, otherwise this would’ve just turned into a list about why Community and The Office rule. Now, let’s get started, and as always there are minor spoilers ahead.

Spring Break (Missing Kitty, Arrested Development S1E18)

We’ll start with where the year got derailed, Spring Break. A yearly bacchanal for students to unwind after a tough semester. This year we spent it parked in front of our TVs with conflicting reports of “Once you get it, you can’t get sick again, like Chickenpox” and “we had over 500 cases in one day, no wonder schools are getting shut down” that last one is extra crazy when you look at statistics, March 13th had 556 cases, less than 9 months later we had over 280,000 on December 11th we really flattened that curve huh? Anyway, Arrested Development is a hilarious show that got a second life once everyone “rediscovered” once Netflix took over our streaming world. “Missing Kitty” is a hilarious episode that both hits on and sets up many recurring jokes “say goodbye to these!” We get to see GOB fail at magic, Tobias accidentally take over prison while doing research to play the role of Frightened Inmate #2, and we learn a bit more about George’s ties to Saddam Hussein, but this episode lets you bask in the glory of a Newport Beach Spring Break. Bikinis, boats, big bouncing…buoys (get your head out of the gutter people), and a Girls Gone Wild-esque film crew is capturing everything. This episode allows you to enjoy the sunlight and shenanigans with the Bluths, and think back fondly to being able to around groups of people without a mask on.

Prom (The Prom, Buffy The Vampire Slayer S3E20)

Ah prom, another thing my seniors last year (and probably this year too) didn’t get to enjoy. Is there a better end to the school year than the tradition of paying an inordinate amount of money to rent clothes, take awkward pictures with a date and friends in your parent’s front yard, and then join a sweaty dance orgy surrounded by people you barely know in passing, and teachers who taught you about Cotangent and The Election of 1896 literally the day before.

Didn’t know you were getting a pic of my best friends and I at senior prom, and reenacting the same pic at a wedding more than ten years later did you? You’re welcome. Now, this episode of Buffy offers everything that comes with Prom: awkward slow dancing, getting shot down by a ridiculously attractive girl, food that no one really enjoys, a public breakup, a few hellhounds, and a mayor trying to complete a ritual to become a full demon. Typical. This episode offers a wide array of emotional beats, and masterfully blends the teenage struggle to fit in with kicking demon ass, and at the end of the day isn’t that what prom is all about?

Summer Episode 1 (The Escape, The OC, S1E7)

Summer is awesome. Trips to the beach, hanging out with friends, pickup games of basketball, no school, constant bikini weather, what’s not to love? “The Escape” offers all this and more as the gang heads down to TJ (this is what Marissa called Tijuana, one of the many reasons I hate her) to unwind. You may not have been able to leave your house during the summer, but if you missed drinking, getting cheated on, sucker punching a jock, or overdosing in a different country this episode has you covered. Sidenote: Sandy Cohen is the greatest TV dad of all time.

Summer Episode 2 (Juneteenth, Atlanta, S1E9)

Typically with summer fun comes embarrassment and uncomfortable situations. Maybe you get a summer job and it’s a bad personality fit with you and your coworkers. Maybe you’re meeting the family of a friend or the new person you’re dating and it gets weird. My point is, summer is not just bikinis and barbeques, sometimes it’s a cringefest of a trainwreck and we all have to ride it out together. That’s where “Juneteenth” comes in. For those unaware, Juneteenth is a holiday celebrating the end of slavery in the US. This episode revolves around Earn and his ex attending a Juneteenth party hosted by a white man, with an all black catering staff, themed drinks like the “Plantation Master’s Poison” and slave ships as plates/bowls, some spoken word poetry about the plight of being black in America (by the white host), and some general intolerance towards people who work in the rap industry (by the white host’s black wife, plot twist). This episode is bonkers, and will quickly make up for any lack of awkwardity COVID-19 has taken away from you.

Weddings (Andy and April’s Fancy Party, Parks and Rec, S3E9)

Weddings are just great. Food, family, drinking, dancing, speeches, what’s not to like? One of the last major get togethers my friend’s and I had was my best friend Erik’s wedding before the Rona stopped logical people from having fun. Between the great food, amazing playlist (Stevie B makes everything better), and seeing my best friend drastically out-kick his coverage, it couldn’t have been a better time. According to google wedding season has been wrecked by COVID-19, and couples have accrued $3.7Billion in debt due to wedding costs. This seems like a headache, but watching Andy and April get married is not. Here we saw a rare surprise wedding unfold, and Aubrey Plaza as April drop the romantic “I never really seem to hate you that much” in her vows is arguably the nicest thing she’s ever said. This episode also has Leslie asking Ben to stay for her and we get more of Mouserat. Great stuff from Pawnee all around. The Red Wedding episode of GoT gets an honorable mention here.

Halloween (Epidemiology, Community, S2E6)

When you’re a kid, Halloween is the best because you get to dress up as something cool and get a bunch of free candy. When you’re a teenager, Halloween is the best because your friends throw a house party and you get to see your crush dressed in a not so school appropriate outfit. When you’re a young adult, Halloween is the best because you get to go downtown and enjoy everything the holiday has to offer as an adult. When you’re in quarantine, Halloween is not the best. This episode of Community, which is also my amazing sister’s favorite, is the perfect substitute for the Halloween Experience we’ve all lacked. Between the ABBA soundtrack, the questionable costume choices, the bad taco meat zombie outbreak, the cavalcade of movie references, and this cat, this episode rolls everything you love about Halloween into one hilarious half hour. You won’t even notice you haven’t left your couch since March.

Thanksgiving (Shibboleth, West Wing, S2E8)

Thanksgiving is an interesting American holiday where we decide to bring our families together, eat the most overrated poultry, and give our thanks in the same way the Pilgrims and Native Americans (we’re not supposed to think about that whole genocide thing) did during our country’s founding hundreds of years ago. I’ve never liked turkey, but my mom made some delicious gravy that I’d routinely dump on everything. Also, who doesn’t love brown sugar, sweet potatoes, and marshmallows thrown together as a legit side when it’s really just the dessert of my childhood dreams? Now in this episode of the West Wing, which is such an interesting rewatch during the twilight days of the Trump Administration, we have a potential international crisis ensue as Christian Chinese immigrants find their way into the US on the eve of Thanksgiving. Now this episode has it’s typical WW moments: hiring a new department of education deputy, pardoning some turkeys (I’d rather be pardoned from the turkey hey-o), getting on the phone with the butterball hotline, the aforementioned international crisis, but what makes this episode truly heartwarming is the President’s relationship with Charlie. Throughout most of this episode we see Jed ordering Charlie to buy turkey carving knives from various countries, and none meet the President’s standards. After about 5 trips, Charlie is growing a bit vexed by what seems to be another example of the President’s peculiarities, and then the rouse is dropped. This scene happens. Jed hands down his family set of knives that dates back to the American Revolution to Charlie. It’s just chock full of Sorkiny goodness.

Christmas (Rapture’s Delight, American Dad S5E9)

This was a tough section for me. My first thought was the “White Christmas” episode of Black Mirror. It’s a multi-layered bummer all around with Jon Hamm, which is more than enough for me. Then I thought of any of the Chrismukkah episodes of The OC, but that’d lead to arbitrary rule infringement. Do I focus on the “Festivus” for the rest of us? What about the episode of My So Called Life where Rickie is homeless and the Chase family is trying to help him with the help of an angel, and they find a warehouse of homeless kids? No, no, no, and no. All of these episodes are great, but do they feature Andy Samberg voicing the antichrist telling the world to smell his ass? I think the choice is obvious here. “Rapture’s Delight” starts with the Smith family running late to church on Christmas Eve and ends with Stan and Jesus teaming up to save Francine in the midst of the craziest parts of the Book of Revelations. It’s hilarious, it’s irreverent, and it’s everything that Christmas is all about.

New Year’s (Ultimatum, The Office, S7E13)

Ah New Years. New beginnings. Hope. A kiss at midnight. They say the way you spend New Years sets the tone for your whole year, so I guess my falling asleep at 10:30PM after binging You’re The Worst really paved the way for my 2020. Much like Halloween, New Years as an adult revolves around drinking and crowds, and COVID-19 will not allow for any of the countdown clock chicanery (is that still alliteration?) that we all live for, but watching this episode of The Office will more than make up for it. We have our favorite paper company share a wide range of resolutions from “Crosstrain” to “live life like it’s an art project” to “meet loose women” and even “do a cartwheel.” This episode also features peak Michael as he channels his inner 40 Year Old Virgin by singing some Kelly Clarkson, shoves broccoli into Kevin’s mouth, and further confesses his love to Holly (I just don’t see it, is she a good cook or something?), before helping Creed do his cartwheel. What a perfect way to bring in 2021. Hopefully by this time next year I’ll be typing about my top 9 favorite ways to dispose of my masks, until then I’ll be watching a preposterous amount of TV.