I don’t know if you guys were aware, but there’s a new Star Wars trailer, and it’s mind-meltingly awesome. Now I want this to be clear from the outset, I love the Star Wars franchise. I got a Rebel Alliance tattoo on my chest after the election of 2016. Empire Strikes Back is the greatest sequel ever made (Not the snoozefest known as The Godfather 2). Revenge of the Sith had the greatest lightsaber duel of all time (and the best meme). Seriously, Rogue One is in my top 10 all time movies, I argue with a best friend at least once a week that The Last Jedi was great, and I actually enjoyed Solo. If it happened “a long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…” I am 100% all in, please take my money. With Star Wars Episode 9: The Rise of Skywalker set to come out on Christmas this year, it’s just hard to put into words how excited I am about this movie. Wait did I say hard to put into words? This is my blog, I put things into words for fun. Let’s get started.

1. Water Duel

Star Wars fans argue a lot about many things. It’s borderline toxic. One thing is inarguable, unless you’re this guy, lightsaber duels keep getting better. I mean we started with these geriatrics, rose to Vader vs Luke round 2, had the Duel of The Fates, Anakin vs Obi at Mustafar, and had the possible apex of Kylo and Rey vs the Praetorian Guard. With the advances in special effects technology, the fights just keep getting better. Hopefully this trend will continue and we will have an epic duel between Rey and Kylo. What’s extra intriguing about this is the fact that we haven’t really seen a planet like this? I mean it could be Kamino from Episode II, but I don’t see us returning to that prequel for what could be the denouement of the Skywalker Saga. I think this is likely going to be Ahch-To, where Luke hid and reluctantly trained Rey. Luke’s force ghost is going to draw Kylo and Rey here for an epic battle, that will be in the middle of this movie, and it will pave the way for both an X-Wing to rise out of the water, and for Kylo’s redemption.

2. Finn and the mystery woman

In the Last Jedi, we got to follow Finn around the galaxy and free some animals, rob a casino, and kill Phasma…probably. It was the weakest part of the movie. Finn’s guilt from wasting our time resulted in his would-be suicide mission that was thwarted at the last minute by Rose (check the title of that clip for an extra laugh). Finn ends up living, gets a kiss from a rose (you’re welcome), and gets a bit on the jealous side when he sees Poe and Rey get cozy in the Millenium Falcon. Now I wish we get to see Finn deal with his jealous feelings over his bromantic/romantic feelings towards Poe, but it seems more than likely we’ll have Disney pivot away from that. My bold prediction here is we see this new woman, who appears as Jannah in the imdb, as a leader of a rebellion cell. I don’t think she’s going to be related to anyone, despite the return of Lando.

3. Starkiller Base 2.0

So we’ve seen something like this before. The new trilogy has done a great job of mirroring the original movies. The First Order is like the Empire, just bigger and worse. Hux is like Tarkin, just louder and more red-headed. Kylo has a helmet like Darth’s. Now most people think this a cheap and uncreative ripoff. Being a history nerd who over analyzes everything, I think there’s something to be said about how important this idea is. George Lucas has stated before that he’s modeled the Empire after Nazi Germany. The First Order is a rip off of the Empire and that means that the message of this trilogy is the return of Nazism and Fascism is a possibility, and when it returns it could be bigger and worse than before. The idea of beating the big bad, only to have them return worse than ever is horrifying to watch unfold. Getting back to my original point, this seems like it could be a good call back to a New Hope and Return of the Jedi. We saw the Death Star destroyed and returned two movies later, and it seems like we’re about to see the same with Starkiller Base.

4. Ewan McGregor as Obi Wan

My dude was the best part of the prequels. Every time Disney has said they have a movie or project coming we’ve all wanted either Obi or Boba. Ewan McGregor has said for years he wants to do it. Everyone wants it. FINALLY it is happening. Apparently it takes place 8 years after Revenge of the Sith, meaning that this happens before the events of Star Wars Rebels. Obi on the run ala The Fugitive? I’m in. Obi watching over Uncle Ben, Aunt Beru, and little Luke while sipping on Blue Milk? I’m in. Obi doing ANYTHING played by Ewan McGregor? I’m in.

5. Yoda

So we saw Yoda as a force ghost in The Last Jedi, we probably won’t again. Luke will probably appear to Rey at some point as her Force Ghost. I was talking with another teacher today who said something along the lines of “you have the worst opinions” when I said I was a defender of The Last Jedi. As I choked back my tears he brought up a great point about the possibility of Sith Ghosts. Now Yoda doesn’t have anything to do with that, but I love pointing out my opinion that he’s a coward. Best duelist, most in touch with the force, and he didn’t do shit. My dude did a double backflip all the way to Dagobah. Did he help Obi watch over Luke? Nope. What about Leia the twin in Alderaan? Nope Jimmy Smits has that covered. Is he helping Ahsoka mother fucking Tano aid rebel cells? Not one bit. Yoda is backwards talking to himself in a swamp “waiting” for the Chosen One, instead of doing anything to help the good guys. Yoda was a coward. *Mic drop.

6. Weed-3PO

*Picks mic back up. Alright this is just funny. C3PO is the most uptight character in the series. Getting blazed may finally let him chillout and have a great time. Now my logical guess are either, red eyes mean he’s evil somehow? Hux could be a hacker of some kind. Or it’s the opposite, and C3PO hacked into something First Order related. R2D2 does most of the hacking while his golden buddy complains on the side. A role reversal may be cool. Or getting spaced in the Millenium Falcon with Chewbacca (who clearly gets high) could be this movie’s social justice message of choice.

7-9. Are we finally going to get to the bottom of these heated questions?

Sheev, Boba, and Mace. Some we’ve wondered about for years if there were alive. Others came back to us with haunting laughter in a trailer. So this seems like it’s the last hope to get some answers. As stated previously, I’m really coming around on the Emperor as a Sith Ghost who possibly possessed Snoke. Mace Windu still being alive would be amazing. I mean we didn’t see him die. No body means no proof of character death, I know this is a fact because my sister made me watch soap operas every summer when I was a kid. I mean, Jedis can survive falls, and Mace Windu was the 2nd strongest Jedi. If Darth Maul can come back from being bisected, we can get Mace back. As for Boba Fett, I think this is all but confirmed R+L=J territory. I mean Mandalorian Armor is the strongest in the galaxy, Mandalorian Armor badly damaged by acid was mentioned in a new Star Wars book, and everyone knows Sarlaacs have a slow digestive system…this is the nerdiest sentence anyone has ever written. If I were to bet, I’d say we get to see 2 of these 3 in Episode 9, sorry Mace fans.

10. Sith Rey

It has been a longstanding thought that we’d see Kylo redeem himself and become good. I think it’s inevitable with Episode 9’s title, The Rise of Skywalker. Kylo is part of that legendary family tree. Maybe, just maybe, Rey needs to go dark for Kylo to come to the light. This would bring the balance aspect of The Force into play which is always key in a Star Wars saga. If you pair that with a theory that Rey is related to Emperor Palpatine, and add that to the fact that I’m still not sure the creators know what to do with Rey’s character and we can possibly see, for a brief time at least, Rey dibble dabble with the Dark Side. This could just be a vision, or again it could be a Sith Possession move but this was by far the coolest part of the trailer. Imagine Dark Rey dueling a redeemed green saber wielding Ben Solo, they both kill each other, and balance is restored. Broom kid becomes our new savior. Okay maybe that last part won’t happen, but I know I can’t wait for whatever is coming.